The Measure of a Life
by IvoryAlchemist
Summary: The death of a patient through his young sister's eyes.


I watch Daddy, he's pale and yucky and sick. He's mean, too. He sits in his chair besides Benny's bed all the time now, watching, waiting, listening. I wonder why. I wonder why we're hear, why Benny's got so many wires coming out of him, and why Daddy is so angry all the time. I wonder if I did something wrong.

The ladies take all the wires out of Benny, and Daddy just sits there. Benny's white and still.

The big man with the funny walk comes in. He has hurt all over him, all the time. He says his leg is hurt. But doesn't explain why the rest of him looks hurt, too.

"Your son is dead." The funny walking man is talking to Daddy. Daddy is quiet, just looking at him, and I wonder if they're saying something I can't hear.

Dead. My hamster died last week; it made me cry. He didn't move anymore, so we put him in the ground. Will we put Benny in the ground? Will he never move again? Will I get his toys once he's all buried up?

Daddy starts crying, and I cry too, but I don't know why. If Daddy's crying, it must be bad.

The man with the funny walk sits next to me, looks at me. "You okay, kid? You're Dad's probably not up to taking care of you right now."

I don't know what he's saying, exactly, that Daddy 'isn't up to taking care of me'. Of course Daddy can take care of me. If Daddy couldn't… no one could. I'd be all by my lone.

"I'm scared." I say, and he nods, looking away again. I don't like his face. It's filled with so much hurt.

"What are you scared of?" He asks again, but he doesn't look at me and I don't realize he's talking to me until he turns.

What am I scared of? "Will I die?"

Will what Benny's got get me too? Will Daddy let me die?

The man shakes his head. "No, no. You're fine. You're fine. It's your brother, Ben. He's died. He's gone."

I blink, and then smile. "Will I get his toys?" I think happy things now, I love his toys. He never shares, that meanie, and he gets all the fun toys too. Daddy says it's because I'm bigger, but that's no fair.

The man looks at me for a long time. "Sure." He breathes, and I smile even bigger and clap my hands together.

"_Quiet!" _Daddy shouts. I jump. He's sitting in the chair still, leaning over Benny.

I'm scared again. I start crying. The funny-walking man stands to leave, but I grab his shirt and he turns.

"Will Daddy die? Please don't let him die!" I plead, and the man looks at Daddy and then back at me, and then gets down so he's below me.

"You're Dad won't die. But you need to leave him alone, because he misses Ben, alright?"

Alright? No, that's not alright. "Okay."

He nods, stands in that funny way of his and then leaves.

I look at Daddy, who's shaking and crying and it's very scary. Last time he cried was when Mommy left and she never, ever came back. I wish she were here. I wish she'd hold me and make Daddy stop crying.

What's going on? I'm still crying, wet tears making my cheeks cold, but he doesn't come to hold me and make me feel better. He doesn't even look over.

I look at Benny. He's real still, just staring up at the ceiling. I look up too, but can't see anything.

"Benny?" I call, wanting him to stop making Daddy so sad. "Benny?"

"Benny's gone," Daddy whispers, and I look at him. No he's not. He right here.

"Where's he gone to?"

"He's gone to heaven, with Jesus." Daddy isn't even looking at me.

"Why does Jesus want him?"

Daddy looks over now. "Because Benny was beautiful! Because he never deserved to suffer!" Daddy yells at me, and I don't know why. I didn't do anything.

"Will Jesus take me too?" I ask, a little scared. I don't want to be by my lone up there with a guy I never met before.

Daddy just stares, and then starts wailing and sobbing and butting his head against Benny, who still doesn't move, like he's having a staring contest with God or something.

I frown.

I'd better try and talk to God when I get home. Try and get him to give us Benny back. I bet he will once I tell him about Daddy crying. I bet he didn't think of that.

But Daddy just keeps on sobbing, pushing against Benny's bed and shaking all over. I wonder who will fix me meals. I wonder what I'll do without Benny and Daddy. Daddy only lost a son. I lost a brother and half a dad.

Time goes by, but nothing makes Daddy better. We stay while they pull the sheet over Benny's face, but I pull it down so that he can see. They close his eyes, though, and I sit down, defeated. Benny's gone away, I know. To Jesus, I guess, but I don't quite understand why he wanted him. Benny will come back though. I know it.

I don't see what Daddy's so upset about. Why can't Jesus just give him back? Besides, it's not like Daddy doesn't have anybody anymore, he's still got me. And I'd say I'm worth one Benny.

Maybe even one and a half.

The End.


End file.
